G-men on SNL

Tina Fey enumerating Betty White

You can watch a very funny census skit from Saturday Night Live on Hulu, at least until it isn't there any more. For the record, Tina Fey's shoulder bag and ID appear authentic, but the clipboard isn't. Real live census enumerators will have an oversize 3 ring notebook binder, which doubles as a writing surface. If Tina was a boy, she would have to be wearing a necktie, but since she isn't, I believe her outfit is acceptable for a temp "g-man".  She should probably tuck in her blouse to look more professional, but that's really not my call.  I wonder if she's really earning a little extra money working for the census, or if the NBC prop department is just really good.

I'm now a Man in Black, but without the flashy thing.

I am finally working again. I work for the federal government of the USA, albeit on a strictly temporary basis.  Although the USA has no Official Secrets Act, I am nevertheless sworn to secrecy and thus can't tell you much, on the pain of fines and imprisonment. Really! It's too bad, because I'm getting some really funny stories from this job. C'est la vie. I think it's OK to tell you that I made $US 77.5625 today (before taxes). Cha-ching!

I have no flashy thing, but I want one. A Pilot G2 pen is a poor substitute. Even if you load it with a Mont Blanc cartridge. Government issue ballpoint pens tend to self-destruct and leak ink. The government will disavow any knowledge of (or responsibility for) your ink stained self, including your clothing. I found one of my father's old pocket protectors; it not only gives me a warm feeling (I really miss Pop) but it protects my shirts from federal blue ballpoint pen ink. The government issue number 2 pencils and the federal blue pencil sharpener do kick ass.

I don't get to ride in a helicopter, or carry a firearm, or any other weapons for that matter. I don't have a car with a siren or lights, either. Everyone should feel much safer knowing that. I do get to wear a spiffy non-photo ID card on a lanyard around my neck. I also wear a shirt and tie, and I don't wear sneakers or jeans, so I look almost professional. If you close one eye and squint a bit.

Life is good, for now. Best of all, tonight was taco night. And did I mention the $77.5625, before taxes?

PAC MAN turns 30

Yesterday was the 30th anniversary of PAC MAN, and Google celebrated with a working version of the game in in the logo of their search page. Of course I inserted a few coins, just like the good old days. Play it while it's still available.

Update May 25, 2010:  Since everybody loves PAC MAN, he's now a permanent fixture at  http://www.google.com/pacman/. Go there and insert coin now!

My Life as a Ronin II: Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy

The story of Theresa's HP Netbook continues.

Brian eventually gave the now working HP netbook back to Phil, who gave it back to Theresa. It was working well. We put it through it's paces, and everything was good. Windows XP was singing bel canto.

Brian kept the netbook for a few days, and played with it a lot. He liked that little HP, and would love to get his hands on one. (As they say, it's not in the budget.) He dragged it all over town, computing up a storm... well, at least he watched a lot of storm and tornado videos on it. (That's his thing.)  He was smitten, and wants get something just like it, except he wants to install OS X on it. This is possible on some models. Not legal, mind you, but possible. Steve Jobs is so pissed.

The netbook was working well, really, until the Theres-in-ator got her hands on it. The HP then became "goofalized". I have no idea what happened. (Some people should avoid computing devices.) Brian emailed me that he had it again, and that there was an "incident", and it now wasn't booting correctly. Brian's stock repsonse is "hardware problem, it's broken". I emailed back my stock response -- boot into safe mode and fix the beast. He tried, no joy. Eventually he showed it to me at the office, a.k.a. Starbucks. It was really goofed up, and I frankly, I had no idea how to fix it. It would boot up, but nothing ran. Safe mode was no help here.

This was going to be a royal pain. Phil and Brian were talking about using it for target practice. I thought that would be a waste of a good machine. My contention was it's probably just a software problem, and that we should fix it.  Brian and I talked about reinstalling Windows XP. You would think we could sort that out, but nope. No way. (We're pretty useless I guess.) We had troubles. (Not to mention that Theresa didn't have Windows XP media, even though she paid for a license when she purchased the machine. Brian had a Windows XP disk of some sort -- insert pirate sounds here -- that we were working with.)  It's possible to install Windows XP from a thumb drive (Google says so), but you have to jump through a few hoops to do so and Brian and I didn't make it through. Aw, snap!

To save the HP from being used for target practice I offered to put Linux on it. Theresa's files were on a SD card, while Windows was on the internal SSD. We could install Linux on the internal SSD, and just leave the SD card alone. Since Theresa is a windows user, so I wanted a easy to use Linux distro.

I chose Easy Peasy for her. It's very point and clicky, really easy to figure out, but under the hood it's a robust Linux distribution based on Ubuntu. Just the thing for a girl who breaks Windows. Although it was originally designed for Asus eeePC netbooks, [1] I was betting that it would run on the HP. One nice thing about Easy Peasy is it has all the goodies installed from the get go. As the website puts it:

EasyPeasy is a simple netbook operating system, but still provides you with the codecs and drivers you need for running most music and video right out of the box.

You should read that as Adobe Flashplayer and and things like mp3 codecs are already installed. Some Linux distributions adhere to GNU philosophy, and you have to futz around to install things required to get more music and video choices on your machine. While we're the subject: play ogg, OK? It really is a good thing. Even if you run the proprietary stuff, use and support free and open source software. It's good to have choices. 

 

I got things working with Easy Peasy: audio, web cam, wireless networking. It was only slightly annoying. The wireless chipset is from Broadcom, and to work with Linux, it requires the firmware to be downloaded from a manufacturer's site on the internet. It seems that the firmware can't be included in a Linux distro, which is a shame. It's real hard to download firmware from the internet while sitting in Starbucks if your wifi ain't working. I had to drag it home to connect to my local network over a cat5 cable to get the firmware. While annoying, it worked well. Almost easy peasy lemon squeezy. And I got a little exercise walking, too.

Brian, who is enamored with Mac OS X, really liked Easy Peasy. He downloaded it at home and wanted to install it on a windows desktop box that he uses. The Easy Peasy user interface is really designed for netbooks; I know I wouldn't want to use it on a desktop machine. I pointed him to wubi, which would install the regular Ubuntu Lucid in peaceful coexistence with the Windows OS already installed on the machine, much to the annoyance of Bill Gates. He downloaded and ran wubi, and a bunch of hours later (he was working over the Cricket modem), it finished installing successfully. The cool thing was Ubuntu recognized and used the Cricket modem. I wasn't sure if that was going to happen, which was one reason I recommended wubi. Before this Brian was talking about buying Snow Leopard and turning this machine into a hackintosh. We'll have to see if he continues down the hackintosh road, now that he has has Ubuntu. You know that Brian is broke, and Ubuntu is free (as in beer) as well as free (as in speech), while OS X is neither.

George saw Easy Peasy, played with it a bit and loved it. Now he wants to install it on his HP netbook.  I'm not really trying to convert people to Linux, but I seem to be doing so anyway. Go figure.

A few hours later:

[1]  When I wrote this, I thought that Easy Peasy was once called eeebuntu. I was wrong. According to Wikipedia:

Eeebuntu (not to be confused with Easy Peasy, formerly known as Ubuntu Eee) is an operating system for netbooks. The current version is based on Ubuntu, newer version will be based on Debian Unstable^[1]. Eeebuntu was designed originally for the Asus Eee PC line of netbooks.

I think Ubuntu eee was what I think I used to run eeebuntu om my Asus eeePC 900, but I'm not sure at this point in time. I know I ran one or the other, and whichever one it was, it was darn good. Both were originally intended to run on Asus eeePC computers, but now work on a variety of netbooks.

I'm up to no good

I'm in the process of making a virtual hackintosh, using OS X 10.4 Tiger:

It's going pretty slow. The above process is now at 15%, and it's been running for some time now. It was tricky to get it to this point, so I'm just going to let it run. We'll see if runs to completion. Maybe I have something configured poorly.

I made two other virtual machines, one Ubuntu Linux "Lucid Lynx" 10.04 and the other Crunchbang 10 "Statler" Alpha 1. They both installed faster than OS X, and both are working well. I plan to eventually put Lucid on my desktop and Statler on my netbook. I'm just playing with OS X; I don't plan on making a real hackintosh.

 Quite a bit later...

 The next morning...

 The network is (finally) up

Mirage

Earlier, I wrote that my pal Brian had a client who wanted to pay us to install OS X on his netbook. (Creating a "hackintosh".)  I neglected to mention that Brian's reality differs from mine in many respects. In some other universe, Brian has a client who wants us to install OS X on a HP netbook and is willing to pay. In this universe... nah.

I still like the guy, but I'm a little pissed at myself for taking him seriously, even for a moment. It's just that I'm broke and unemployed right now, so a few extra bucks would be nice.

I've been preparing my desktop system for an OS reinstall. I have Ubuntu 10.04 "Lucid Lynx" running in Virtual box, and it's running well. It's running  well despite the rich goof's current master plan to change the default color scheme from disgusting orange brown to putrid eggplant purple and move the window control buttons from the right side of the screen to the left side of the screen.  This is button move is major stuff. They are sitting around right now finding new and innovative uses for the newly freed real estate on the right hand side. I don't know about you, but I just can't wait. Seriously. I'm sure that I will eventually get over the bad habit of trying to click on the right hand side top of every fricking window eventually.

If I was a wealthy guy with my own software company people would take me seriously, too. Money buys a lot of respect. Especially paycheck money. "Move those darn buttons! This is big!" I think that Mark Shuttleworth wants to be like Steve Jobs. I'm thinking that one Steve jobs is enough, but since he tends to keep his snout out of Linux I can live with him. The problem is, Ubuntu is Mark Shuttleworth. We're stuck with him. He is a self appointed benevolent dictator for life, and he's paying good money for the right.

Well, if Lucid is too annoying, I can revert back to Debian. Or even jump to another distro. It ain't that big a deal. There's not much special sauce in Ubuntu.

My Life as a Rōnin

Toshiro Mifune as an old school rōnin

"A rōnin (浪人^?) ^[1] was a samurai with no lord or master during the feudal period (1185–1868) of Japan. A samurai became masterless from the death or fall of his master, or after the loss of his master's favor or privilege."

Source: wikipedia

So Theresa, who is someone that I saw once, but never really met, has a problem. She has a pierced tongue, which freaks me out, but that's my problem. She's the girlfriend of Phil, who is someone that I have met but I don't see a lot. Phil and I hang around  sometimes while holdings things like beer and fishing rods. He has a really cool dog named Austin, who seems problem free. Theresa's problem is an HP netbook running Windows XP. The problem is the computer just ain't right. It's a really cute little machine -- much nicer that my eeePC 900. It has a nice big keyboard and a slightly larger screen. I want one, but, as they say,  it's not in the budget. She gave the netbook to Brian to fix and he worked on it a bit. He cleaned up some, but not all, of the ugly mess. He managed to blow out the passwords that her ex-boyfriend had helpfully added to the machine, and got rid of a few hundred items that a virus scanner flagged as malware.  The system was still borken: it would not connect to the Internet and it was doing really strange things, and it was doing them very slowly. Brian asked me for help. It seems that since none of us is working, the budget for this job is zero. Fool that I am, I agree to take a look at it. It feels like work, which I like, but pays nil, which I don't like. Aw, snap! I have to quit giving it away.

It's so beautiful! I want to put Crunchbang Linux on it!

Mind you, I am not really an IT person. I'm an electronics technician who went to night school to get a degree in electrical engineering. I was a UNIX system administrator for an engineering group, a CAD librarian, a printed circuit board designer, a sort of general-purpose electronics technician. I used to wire TV sets with about a hundred thermocouples so we could see how hot the components would get. (Pretty hot, sometimes.) I run Linux for my desktop, I use Vi and Emacs, GIMP and moc. I can write crap-ass software in C, C++ and Python. In short, I am just another jack-of-all-trades, master of none, who is currently unemployed. Life stinks, sometimes. These skills gives me some ability to beat computers into submission. I try to pick up a few bucks sorting out computer problems for people. These are usually not difficult problems involving hardware repair. These are usually simple things related to system configuration and using software, things that someone could and should handle themselves. Finding a solution usually involves asking Google, thinking logically and maybe learning a thing or two.

I get few takers for my services. People do not want to pay. I hear complaints about the lack of service technicians, closely followed by complaints about what service technicians charge. Service technicians tend to want a living wage. Clients seem to like "free", closely followed by "really cheap". At times it's hard to find a middle ground, so I get few jobs, while they keep doing whatever they do.

My pal Brian once charged a guy $50 to sort out a computer. The guy paid him $12, because it only took an hour. I guess computer techs are only worth $12/hour, with no benefits or secure employment. Brian took the $12, and then formatted the guy's hard drive for him, giving him a minty fresh computer. Brian is a natural born BOFH. The client was not happy. Brian kept the $12. Life stinks, sometimes.

Be afraid.

My aunt's brother is having phone problems. He will not call AT&T to come out and check things out. He says that they charge $80/hour, and he doesn't want to pay that. He thinks that a huge bill will be run up, and that they are out to screw him. AT&T will check the phone line up to the house for free, but he will not even ask for that. He would rather complain about things. Kvetching sure is more fun. He did go out and spend $80 for a new DSL modem, as if that would fix his problem. It didn't. I took a look at things. He has two phone lines, and one is borken. That's as far as I went. I was not about to chase the line through the house from the second floor, especially since he refused to call AT&T to have the phone line checked to the house. I was not going to call AT&T for for him; he should know how do do that. As far as I know, it's still borken. Life stinks, sometimes.

So I fixed Teresa's netbook for free. Why not? A loss leader, and maybe I now have another fine friend that I will hear from only when they need me. It took 3.5 hours, mostly because that's how long it takes. He's what I did:

• Wifi was not working, but Brian's Cricket modem worked, so I did not have to fix the wifi now or take the little beast home to my router to get Internet access. You can't do jack without an Internet connection.

• I updated Malwarebytes, which Brian had installed. I like this program; it has done good things for me in the past.

• I ran yet another full virus scan in "limited driver mode" using Malwarebytes, which removed yet more malware. 

• I ran Microsoft update. They were 9 updates. 7 or 8 of them were security updates. Why didn't she run Windows update regularly?

• I then tried to turn Microsoft Security Essentials back on. (Brian had turned it off.) It would not turn on. (Insert joke here.)  OK. Microsoft's anti-virus program did not work on Microsoft's operating system. It also would not reinstall, and gave an error message with the long hex error code 0x8004ff07. (It should have said guru meditation 0x-long-hex-number, but it didn't. Amigas were so much cooler, even when they screwed up. I miss my Amiga.) Following the hex error number to a Microsoft forum, some guy gave this fix:
  
  
  1.       Uninstalling MSE
  2.       Reboot.
  3.       Reinstall MSE.
  4.       Cancel the update and scan.
  5.       Reboot.
  6.       Launch MSE and trigger upgrade via Help, Upgrade.
  7.       Download and install completed successfully.
  
  
  Someone from Microsoft urged the parties involved to file bug reports with Microsoft. He gave helpful web links. At times it's hard to find a middle ground.  I want Microsoft to run more tests on their code before they release it to the wild. They want me to write bug reports. Neither of these things are going to happen. 

• I started on the Microsoft Security Esentials fix. After the first step (remove MSE), I made a command decision: I was not going to reinstall it. MSE blows. Microsoft blows. MSE gets good reviews for malware detection, but I have been having problems with it doing simple tasks, things like updating virus definitions and turning on. So I uninstalled it and replaced it with the free version of AVG. The AVG install told me that I should remove MSE. Since I had already removed MSE, I installed AVG anyway. (Déjà vu: I have seen this before.) AVG works OK, despite the bogus warning.

• I update AVG. I run a configuration scan. I run yet another virus scan using AVG. It finds nothing bad.

• I turn the Windows firewall back on. (Brian had turned it off.) (Insert yet another turn-on joke here.)

• If fixed the wifi. Someone or something mucked around with the tcp/ip settings. Once they were set correctly, wifi worked.

Maybe I should have turned on system restore, but I stuck a fork in it because I was done and Starbucks wanted to close. 

 After, 3.5 hours the netbook was now working fine. While it did not demand my complete attention the whole time, I had to be there to shepherd the process. For zero dollars. Brian has another job, which is supposed to pay actual US dollars. Some doofus wants us to install OS X on his HP netbook, and is willing to pay us something for it. Since Apple really doesn't want you to do this, it's kind of tricky. This should be fun.